#3: Three Main Forces Govern Relationships

Some couples are happier than other couples, and some couples are happier at some times than at other times. Why is this? Why do relationships vary so much?

Our analysis points to three main answers to these questions.

Relationship Triad


  • Why is communication so important?
  • What are the most important things to communicate?

Communication matters, and you want to get it right. But communicating well requires partners to have a good understanding of themselves and their mate.

Individual Differences

  • Gender - Men and women are similar in many ways, but they do approach intimate relationships differently. Not understanding this can create problems for couples.
  • Personality styles
  • Personality preferences
  • Experiences in other relationships
  • Cultural beliefs about what matters in relationships


Even good communicators struggle if they fail to appreciate the powerful role that stress has in their lives. Our lives push and pull us in all directions, and this affects how much time partners have together, what they talk about, and the moods and tempers they bring to their conversations.

But stress has invisible and insidious effects on relationships, and partners often fail to see the stresses that we ourselves are under – and then fail to provide one another with the support they need.

In our seminars, we keep things simple, but these simple messages are based on powerful principles uncovered through solid scientific research.

Other Key Premises

Back to Our Philosophy.

"It was nice knowing that the information I received at the seminar was based on decades of research. The case studies were really interesting."

"I never thought about the many ways my relationship influenced my life."

"I wish I had come to this years ago when my husband and I were still newlyweds."

"We spent months planning our wedding, but no time thinking about our relationship. This seminar helped us figure out a plan for our future."

"It was the best money we ever spent on us."

"I thought it was going to be a big therapy session. It was actually entertaining and the science behind the advice made me see the value in being there."